Controlled Crying
Over the past couple of weeks, R and I noticed that G’s nighttime feeds were getting better. The colic that afflicted him (and us) seemed to have improved somewhat, so he never stayed in the “inconsolable crying state” for more than 30-60 mins.
At the same time, we also found that he now started having difficulty going to sleep, even when he was fed, changed and tired (his eyes started to droop). G would continue to bawl until someone picked him up and rocked him for a while.
The reason why we decided to start so early (he turns 8-weeks old today) was that I was going to return to the US next week and R will be alone with the baby for three weeks. We didn’t want her to cope with long night-time crying sessions alone.
So we started “controlled crying”. The basic premise of this method is that the parents will leave a baby to sleep by himself, and return every 10-30 minutes to reassure the baby that it was not alone. But the infant had to fall asleep by himself, and this reinforces the “sleep association” so that he will not expect to be rocked, patted or comforted in the middle of the night, especially if he wakes up.
The first day was especially trying. We stayed in the room, out of G’s field of vision, watching him cry his lungs out. Praying helped, especially for divine patience. We had to close the doors and windows so that we don’t annoy our neighbours and other family members.
It was counter-intuitive and I know many will disagree that infants should be treated as such. We asked ourselves many times, “Are we we sure that all this crying doesn’t harm the child emotionally?” The periodic checks on him helped to reassure him (and us) that he was being tormented by neglect. R has also discussed this with many other parents who have used this approach successfully (at least without any visible detriment to their child’s well-being), so we felt somewhat reassured.
The first day, he cried for 45 minutes before falling asleep. The second day, it was 60 minutes. Today, he’s asleep in 20 minutes. We hope that by the end of the week, he will be able to go to sleep when he’s tired.
Modern parenting - how different it is from a mere generation ago.